idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
