I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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