I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
