Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
