batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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