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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Fuck I'm high.

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• (818): View more from California

  I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.

  Fav 27 1951 5968

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.

  Fav 21 1305 6236

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Jesus...So southern.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?

  Fav 22 1197 3329

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• (207): View more from Maine

  making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried

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• (212): View more from New York

  I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I forget how to act sober

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