I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
