you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
