whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
