Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
