I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
