Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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