There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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