hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
