Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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