I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
