I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
