Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
