alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
