May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
