No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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