I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
