just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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