Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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