why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
