My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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