yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
