like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
