I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
