Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
