birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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