I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
