If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
