It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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