Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
