you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
