How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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