I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
