we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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