his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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