her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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