My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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