I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He kissed a someone with a penis
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
