Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
