just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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