I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
