Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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