When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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