i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
