btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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