I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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