i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
