It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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