he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
