its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
