If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
